PHASE 01
↘THE GATHERING
The chosen few assemble at a classified location. Excitement builds. Final preparations are undertaken. Someone probably asks if we’re leaving yet.
SUFFOLK’S MOST UNNECESSARILY ANTICIPATED EVENT
THE SIMON GUEST2027 TRIPTO TESCO.
One man. One supermarket.
One unforgettable journey.
Applications are now open. Demand is expected
to be completely manageable.
BURY ST EDMUNDS, SUFFOLK ↗2027 · DATE TO BE REVEALEDUNOFFICIAL. UNNECESSARY. UNMISSABLE.
Imagined promotional composite · Not an event photographHISTORY ISN’T MADE IN THE AISLES. UNTIL NOW. ✳ THE JOURNEY NOBODY ASKED FOR. ✳
THE WAIT OF A LIFETIME. APPROXIMATELY.
THE COUNTDOWN
TO GREATNESS.
2027. THE DATE WILL BE REVEALED.
—DAYS
—HOURS
—MINUTES
—SECONDS
Greatness refuses to be rushed.
52.2448° N · 0.7161° ETHE GATEWAY TO GREATNESS.
01 / THE DESTINATION
BURY ST EDMUNDS.
THE FINAL
FRONTIER.
Some journeys take you across continents.
Others take you to Tesco.
In 2027, a select group of pioneers will embark on a once-in-a-lifetime expedition to one of Suffolk’s most recognisable retail destinations.
An adventure where dreams will be realised, friendships will be tested and meal deals may be purchased.
This is more than shopping. This is destiny.
DESTINATIONBury St Edmunds
COUNTRYUnited Kingdom
LANGUAGEEnglish, predominantly
CURRENCYPound Sterling
PASSPORT REQUIREDUnlikely
GLOBAL RECOGNITIONPending
02 / THE MISSION PLAN
FIVE PHASES.
ZERO NECESSITY.
Every historic expedition needs a plan.
This one has five bullet points.
PHASE 02
↘THE JOURNEY
A daring voyage through the roads of Suffolk. Distance and transport arrangements remain strictly on a need-to-know basis.
PHASE 03
↘THE ARRIVAL
The first glimpse of Tesco. An emotional moment. For some, a lifelong ambition finally realised.
PHASE 04
↘THE MAIN EVENT
Experience its legendary attractions: the meal deal section, confectionery aisle and an extensive range of household cleaning products.
PHASE 05
↘THE RETURN
Participants return to their normal lives, carrying memories that may take several minutes to fade.
All itinerary elements are subject to parental approval, Tesco opening hours and whether Simon can be bothered.
EXPEDITION LEADER / NO. 001SIMON GUEST
03 / COMETH THE HOUR. COMETH SIMON.
FOUNDER.
VISIONARY.
TESCO ENTHUSIAST.
With over five decades of life experience and an impressive history of visiting supermarkets, Simon brings unparalleled enthusiasm and almost no relevant qualifications to this extraordinary expedition.
A father, leader and occasional shopper, Simon has dedicated literally several minutes to contemplating this historic undertaking.
SUPERMARKET EXPERIENCEExtensive
EXPEDITION LEADERSHIPUnverified
MEAL DEAL KNOWLEDGEAdvanced
ENTHUSIASMDisproportionate
“I’ve been to Tesco before.
But never like this.”— SIMON GUEST, EXPEDITION LEADER
THE MOVEMENT IS GROWING.
—
FUTURE TESCO LEGENDS.
The live registration service is connecting.
GLOBAL ANTICIPATIONUNPRECEDENTED*
*Scientific basis: absolutely none.04 / YOUR MOMENT HAS ARRIVED
BE PART
OF HISTORY.
Spaces are technically unlimited.
The journey nobody asked for.
The experience nobody will forget.
2027
PROVISIONALLY
LEGENDARY✳
PROVISIONALLY
LEGENDARY✳
OFFICIAL EXPRESSION OF INTEREST
YOUR AISLE AWAITS.
Your email is private, used only for this event and relevant updates, and never published or used for marketing.
Expression of interest only. Registration does not guarantee attendance, transport or supervision. This is not an organised school trip. Under-18s need parental permission and suitable arrangements before attending.
05 / ESSENTIAL INTELLIGENCE
VERY GOOD
QUESTIONS.
01Is this a real event?+
That depends entirely on your definition of real. Registration is an expression of interest. See the event date above. The time and final arrangements are still to be announced.
02Do I need a passport?+
Not currently. This is being monitored.
03Will there be celebrities?+
Simon Guest is expected to attend.
04Is food included?+
Tesco offers an extensive range of food products. Purchasing decisions remain your responsibility.
05What should I wear?+
Smart casual. Comfortable footwear. Dress for history.
06Will there be a documentary?+
Discussions with Netflix have not commenced.
07How much does it cost?+
Registration is completely free. Financial responsibility for any impulse purchases rests with the individual.
08Do my parents need to know?+
Yes. Anyone under 18 will need appropriate parental permission and arrangements before attending. A parent or guardian should register on behalf of anyone under 18.
09Is this an official Tesco event?+
No. Tesco has not been consulted about this historic undertaking.
SOME WILL HEAR THE STORIES. OTHERS WILL BE THERE.
2027.
BURY ST EDMUNDS.
TESCO.
JOIN THE EXPEDITION ↗Don’t spend the rest of your life wondering
what might have happened in the frozen food aisle.